Secrets of a couples therapist | Colette Fehr | TEDxUSFSM

Core Argument - Emotional disconnection, stemming from uncommunicated moments, is a primary cause of relationship failure, more significant than infidelity or financial issues [8][9] - Addressing conflict constructively is crucial for building emotional intimacy and fulfilling relationships [9][10] - Effective communication involves acting in the face of fear, embracing vulnerability, and communicating assertively (the ABCs), which strengthens relationships and self-worth [12][30] Communication Strategies - Acting in the face of fear is essential, as avoiding difficult conversations can weaken connection; naming fears can diminish their power [12][15][16] - Vulnerability is necessary for authentic connection, allowing partners to understand and support each other's needs [19][21][23] - Assertive communication, being clear, direct, and kind, involves expressing feelings and needs while considering the partner's perspective [24][25] Research & Insights - Dr John Gottman's research indicates that emotional disengagement is a strong predictor of divorce [8] - Research by doctors Paul Amato and Denise Previty found that lack of emotional support and growing apart ranked higher than infidelity and financial stress in causes of divorce [9] - Dr Sue Johnson's research highlights that emotions signal underlying needs, prompting individuals to seek connection with their partners [20]