Can We Really Control Children's Behaviour | Dr. Ishinna Sadana | TEDxSIBMBengaluru

Core Argument - The traditional methods of controlling children through anger, threats, and hitting have limited effectiveness and can backfire, especially as children grow older [2][3][33][34] - Connection, built on positive interactions, is a more effective and sustainable approach to influencing children's behavior and fostering cooperation [7][8][9][34] Connection and Influence - Influence is defined as children making decisions in favor of their parents, choosing to cooperate more often [7] - Connection is the key to influence, leading children to feel understood, accepted, and respected, which in turn makes them more receptive to parental guidance [8][14] - Disconnection manifests as children consistently not listening, requiring anger to get things done, feeling misunderstood, or expressing feelings of not being loved [10] Positive vs Negative Interactions - Relationships are built on interactions, and it's crucial to balance positive and negative interactions with children [15][16] - Negative interactions often involve correcting, scolding, comparing, and instructing, while positive interactions involve empathizing, validating, understanding, listening, accepting, praising, laughing, and playing [17][18] - Relationship researcher John Gottman suggests a magic ratio of 5:1 positive to negative interactions to maintain a connected relationship [18] Strategies for Enhancing Connection - Choose your fights: Reduce unnecessary corrections, focusing only on important issues that could cause harm [19][20][21] - Regulate your behavior: Manage your own emotions and avoid taking out stress on your children [22][23] - Listen to children with curiosity: Focus on understanding and validating their feelings rather than immediately offering solutions or explanations [26][27][28][29] - Play with children without distraction: Dedicate 20-30 minutes daily to engage in child-led play, focusing on fun and relationship building rather than instruction [30][31][32] Long-Term Perspective - Parenting involves both a child-adult relationship for the first 18 years and an adult-adult relationship thereafter, emphasizing the importance of investing in connection for the long term [35] - Connection-based parenting does not mean abandoning discipline or boundaries but rather establishing them on a foundation of mutual understanding and respect [35]