当孩子行为有偏差时，很多父母的第一反应就是赶紧纠正，有耐心的就跟孩子好好讲道理，没耐心的干 脆一通斥责惩罚。 （原标题：不是立规矩、不是讲道理，养育最重要的是这件事） 教孩子懂得明辨是非，这个出发点没错，但如果只看到行为而忽略了行为背后隐藏的真相，父母的管教 不见得会有自己预期的效果。 要么孩子左耳朵进、右耳朵出，不当行为依然得不到调整和改善。 要么孩子确实被斥责和惩罚吓住了，表面上看起来行为似乎已经得到了纠正，但深层次的问题没解决， 孩子依然不能真正反思。 甚至等他再大一点，具备了反抗的力量，就很有可能以更具爆发力的方式表达出来。 相比纠正孩子的行为，与孩子建立更深的情感联结，才是真正关键、有效的方式。 教养方式影响依恋关系 亲子关系究竟有多重要？ 依恋理论的相关研究已经证实，依恋关系对孩子的情感、认知、社交，甚至生理及神经发育等多个方面 都有非常重要的影响。 依恋理论的创始人玛丽·爱因斯沃斯和约翰·鲍尔比认为，依恋关系具有六大特征： 1.持续或不间断的； 4.保持与另一方的联结； 5.被迫分离期间会感到难过； 6.寻求安全感和舒适感。 与孩子建立安全的依恋关系，能让孩子获得充足的安全感，不仅能更好地支持孩 ...

Core Viewpoint - The article discusses the generational conflict in parenting styles between young parents and their own parents, highlighting the challenges of balancing love and discipline in child-rearing [4][7]. Group 1: Generational Conflict - The tension arises from differing educational philosophies, with grandparents often indulging the child while parents enforce strict rules [1][2]. - The grandparents' indulgence is linked to their desire for emotional fulfillment and a sense of value after retirement, leading to a clash with the parents' focus on discipline and self-regulation [4][5]. - The lack of effective communication and mutual understanding exacerbates the situation, making it difficult to establish a cohesive educational approach [2][3]. Group 2: Solutions and Strategies - To resolve the conflict, the article suggests using "emotional connection" instead of a "right vs. wrong" approach, employing techniques like the "sandwich communication method" to facilitate discussions [5][6]. - Establishing a "family agreement" that delineates roles and responsibilities can help clarify expectations, with parents leading educational efforts while grandparents focus on daily care [6]. - Encouraging collaboration by involving grandparents in non-material aspects of child-rearing can transform conflicts into cooperative opportunities, fostering a supportive environment for the child [6][7].